


Pike Place Peonies

by urieking



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Young Veins
Genre: M/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-31 09:43:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3973339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/urieking/pseuds/urieking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his smile washed off his face and his heart felt like it dropped into his stomach. Remembering what he was told,</p><p>He’s better off with her, than he will ever be with you.</p><p>“can I not make him happy” He thought to himself. “How am I not good enough for him?”</p><p>But the biggest question he kept asking himself, “How do I lose him?”</p><p>Is it best to fight it out for a chance with him, or is it best to stop from getting too invested and just end it now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pictures

**Author's Note:**

> Slow process story and i can't promise fast updates. So thank you if you stick by me through this slow writing process. And i will go back and re-edit after everything is done but english is not my first language so sometimes i miss grammatical errors so im sorry.

The phrase April showers brings May flowers is as far from the truth as possible for Seattle. April showers just bring more showers, now into june when most of the United states is enjoying the sun, Seattle is having one of it’s famous northern downpours that would flood the streets if there wasn’t a drain every five feet off the side of the road.

Staggering to close the window before his carpet becomes soaking wet, Ryan see’s the market below with everyone frantically trying to push into the buildings. Street performers gather their guitars and tips, one in particular always catches Ryan’s eye. For the past few months he has been admiring the stranger who always sings right outside his window. Ryan couldn’t help but giggle to himself when he saw him cover his head with his guitar case on his way to a bus stop down the road.

\--

“How much would half a pound be?” Ryan says as he slips another carrot into the thin plastic bag.

“$1.50 plus tax” The worker replies grabbing the carrots to weigh them.

As the two exchange goods and money, shouts from a few stations away steal Ryan’s attention. But it is just the fish sellers tossing the seafood around like they have for years. It was a tradition that for some reason caught the attentions of even international travels. Coming from different continents just to experience the market. That was something Ryan always loved about living in this area. The culture everyone brought to Pine Street.

While the air may have smelt like fish and maybe even the slightest hint of urine, it was still an active and historical place to be. That’s why when Ryan moved to Seattle, he chose a cozy one bedroom flat within easy walking distance from Pike Place.

Now back in his home after purchasing this week’s produce, he stocked his old fridge with his new goods. The clock beeped signaling it was six o’clock in the evening. It has become a habit of Ryan’s to open his window every day at six with the hope that one of his favorite street performers would be out there. Some days the young boy outside would play old beatles songs, new pop songs, and if Ryan was lucky he’d share an original song he wrote. Those had always been his favorite and he knew the lyrics to one of them after watching outside his window for so long.

And like clockwork the musician sets out his guitar box and a small sign before strumming the first few cords to an acoustic version of some pop song Ryan recognizes from the radio. And just closes his eyes as he slides down the wall holding his bag of carrots tight in his hands. Closing his eyes he let’s the calming music fill his apartment as a smile creeps up on his face.

\--

Sundays are the best for the market. So Ryan makes it a point to stock up on fresh bread and meats and whatever goods he will need to make dinner for one the rest of the week. This week was the annual tulip festivals, so everyone is carrying beautiful and full bunches of brightly colored tulips wrapped in white paper. Tulips had never been Ryan’s favorite but he can appreciate that the fresh smell of flowers helped masked the fish market smell.

Walking down Pine Street with his hands full of bags Ryan see’s his favorite performer belting his voice for tips. He might not make much, but the boy looks full of life just being able to share his talent with the city. It’s nice to see him closer up instead of just from his window.

The lyrics are unfamiliar but just as sweet as anything else he’s heard.

Feeling a bit guilty for always enjoying the sound and never tipping, Ryan heads to him with a ten dollar bill in hand. While it shouldn’t be weird being in close proximity with a random stranger, he can’t exactly shake off a slight nervous feeling. But dropping the tip into the guitar box which only has a few bills in it, the feeling is washed away. Finally repaying a little bit for how much he enjoys his work. Looking up to flash a smile the performer and Ryan’s eyes meet. Ryan’s smile disappears and they locks eyes. Breaking the tension the boy smiles bright and says thank you with a genuine tone to his voice.

\--

Every day for the past two weeks Ryan’s usual private concert has been not showing up. Forcing him to turn on what ever CD he picks up and crams in the player to make the room feel less empty. The street corner has been empty, some new young guy even tried setting out a box and singing for tips. But Ryan was pretty sure he became discouraged pretty fast when he noticed he wasn't getting much.

That was something that always confused Ryan. That street corner wasn’t anything special or popular. It was sort of out of the way and not exactly on the way to the market where most people prefer to play. It was kind of a quiet spot, even more so without him singing.

Looking in the fridge to try and scrounge up something for lunch Ryan is met with a severe lack of food left. So picking up his wallet and shoving it in his pocket and grabbing his reuseable shopping bag, he headed out the door, locking it behind him.

Once again like always the market was full of life and people exchanging goods. There was never a time of the year that there wasn’t a load of people rushing around. Pike place was a huge tourist spot for anyone willing to come to the city. It overlooked the water and you could walk right down to the pier and aquarium and that fun little curio shop with the shrunken heads that always made Ryan a little uneasy. And the infamous gum was right right under the market. Ryan had only been there once and by mistake from taking a wrong turn, it wasnt anything special, actually kind of gross. Years and years of people sticking their gum all along the walls of an ally and painting the bricks. To be honest it made him a little disgusted because it smelt like gum down there, and he always found that really gross. Just the thought of everyone’s gum and the fact that it actually smelt like gum, not a place Ryan had ever planned to revist.

But he did like heading down the long sets of stairs under the freeway to make it to the pier. Oddly the pier smelt less like fish than the actual market, but the stairwells down their smelt like straight up urine. I guess that was a weird thing to always be able to pinpoint, the smell of an area. You get used to the aromas of Seattle after living here, but they can be a shock at first.

He filled up his bag with fresh produce that was brought in from local farmers. Besides it being less expensive than going to the supermarket, it was also nice to feel like he was supporting the locals. Buying from small farms and businesses, always trying to help out the community. Someone offered him a sample of some white raspberry jalapeno jam, and out of curiosity for the odd flavors, he tried it. Buying a small jar and exchanging a smile to the worker.

The flower stand were always his favorite by far. Not only did they help attempted to mask the fish market smell, they were always so pretty. This week everyone was selling huge ball shaped flowers that caught his attention.

It wasn’t like he had anyone to buy flowers for, it was nice to just have them. Always setting them in a dark blue glass vase he got at the curio shop down by the pier. It made his table feel more alive when he was alone. Something pretty to look at.

“What kind of flowers are these?” He asked a tall woman with fun colored hair that matched the pretty blue flowers she held.

“They are Peonies, they will bloom into huge lush flowers. Popular for weddings and as ambiance flowers.” She replied as she snipped the bottom of the stems and picked out some more decorative plants to add to the bouquet.

The flowers were so pretty he couldn’t stop himself from asking for a half dozen.

“Do you have any of that twig, grass stuff to put with it.” He asked. More of a riddle than an actual explanation.

She laughed, “You want me to add some of these plants?” She asked holding up some green leafy looking plants and light blue flowers. he shook his head in agreement.

“These are called Bells of Ireland and these ones are called Delphinium. They would go great with some white peonies, if that is the flower you are interested in.”

Once again he shook his head in agreement and let her get to work bunching up the stems and snipping the ends to a clean cut.

“Peonies represent good fortune and blue flowers like the Delphinium send a message of calming beauty, peace and tranquillity. Are these for someone special? I can add a card.”

No, just for my lonely self, but he couldn’t say that to her, “No card please.” he said hoping she doesn’t ask who they are for agian.

After paying for the small bit of flowers the woman smiles and says to have a good day. By this time his hands are full and he can barely hang on to his own bags they are so heavy with goods so he heads the direction of home. He almost can’t see what way he is walking with the tall and thick flowers in his line of sight.

Walking down the thin sidewalk of Pine Street he can hear a familiar voice and Ryan swiveled his head around trying to move the flowers out of his face to get a clear view of the individual making the sound. And there he was in all of his glory, the familiar and favorite voice of Ryan’s, back on the corner sharing his beautiful music with the passing community. Ryan couldn’t help but be filled with joy to know that is still his corner and he hadn’t found somewhere that gave out better tips. His smile was met with a hard blow from a huge metal pole. While he was walking and staring Ryan hadn’t been paying any attention to where he was walking and slammed right into a post, dropping his bags and flowers and inducing a huge headache. Holding his forehead where he made contact with the pole and rubbing the spot when he heard a male voice shout at him, “Hey man are you ok?” It said.

Looking up in the direction of the sound Ryan saw it was him. Rushing after Ryan with a genuinely worried look.

“Yeah I’m ok.” Ryan said a little nervously before bending down to cram his groceries back into the bags.

The guy was picking up the spilt flowers and looked up at Ryan to hand them to him. He looked honestly good on one knee with a smile and holding flowers.

“This flower is a little messed up I couldn't save some of the petals.” He said with a sympathetic tone.

“Oh it’s fine.” Ryan said lending a hand to him to help him stand up.

“Brendon.” He said with smile, “My name I mean, it’s Brendon.”  
Brendon. Finally after months he can put a name to the face, and voice.

“I’m Ryan.” He said in reply reaching out to grab the flowers from him.

“If you need any help getting these things home I can lend a hand. You seem to have yours quite full.” Brendon offered with a smile, “Wouldn’t want you to have another spill.”

Ryan’s heart raced for a moment at that thought. It was weird, this guy was genuinely kind and just offering help to a complete stranger.

“Thanks.” He said handing Brendon a bag, “I live just up in that building” Ryan said pointing across the street leading the way across the sidewalk.

\--

Up in the hallway Ryan sets down his bags to pull out his keys, scrambling to find the correct one. Half of these don't even unlock anything anymore he thought to himself pushing a key into the door and twisting.

“You can set them right on that table.” He said pointing to the medium sized wooden dining table he had painted a seafoam green. Ryan’s apartment looked like a cross between DIY projects and vintage furniture that really needed a makeover. But it was charming and had a very comforting look. Ryan flipped on the light and small chandelier with bright colored beads all around it brightened the room. He had a few instant camera pictures pinned to the rims of the light fixture with colored clothes pins. Brendon inspected the pictures while Ryan's back was too him, they were photos with friends at a bar, one with something older who may have been a relative, Brendon huffed and smiled at how cute they were.

Ryan flipped around upon hearing Brendon, “What?” He questioned.

“Nothing, just admiring your pictures. You like old cameras?” Brendon said as he dug into his side messenger bag.

“Yeah I love them, but the film has gotten so expensive I haven’t-” He was cut off upon seeing Brendon pull a camera out of his bag.

“Is that a SLR 680?” Ryan said with a gddy tone that resembled a kid in a candy shop. “Can I see it?”

Brendon handed over the camera and nodded with a smile.

“All the cameras I have are simple 600 ones that you can find at goodwill for a few bucks. But this one is beautiful!” Ryan said inspecting the camera, opening up the film storage.

“Yeah i've had it for ever. It was my dad’s and i found it in storage.”

It was out of film and had just a empty cartridge and Rya pulled it out, “I have some film if you don’t mind?” He asked Brendon.

Brendon smiled, “Sure thing!”

Ryan fiddled in his desk and pulled out a film cartridge with only 3 exposures left in it and popped it in the film storage. Ryan put the eyepiece up to his face and looked around through the lense. He spun around looking out his window onto the street. He angled the camera at a juggler with a statue and took a picture. The photo popped out and Ryan took it and set it down on the table for it to develop. He put the camera back up to his eye and spun around in Brendon’s direction.

Brendon flashed a huge smile and Ryan smiled back seeing his glowing through the lense.

For a moment Ryan just stared. He looked so genuine like that and Ryan couldn’t help but snap a photo of him.

The flash went off and Brendon’s smile went to a slightly playful angry look, “Hey!” He teased after Ryan took the photo from the slot.

“Here take one of me” Ryan said handing him the camera. He struck a slight grin and waited from Brendon to snap a picture. The flash went off and Ryan pulled the photo from the camera before Brendon could and added it to the two other photos. He snatched up some colorful clothes pins and went to pin them to some twine that hung across the kitchen that had already a few photos attached to it. He stuck them up except the photo of Brendon, taking a moment to look at it. Brendon’s smile was so candid and made Ryan smile back at it.

He walked back to Brendon with the photo and handed it to him, “Here, I figured you wouldn’t want this hung up.” He said sheepishly.

Brendon took the photo, “I wouldn’t mind really” He said also taking a clothespin from Ryan’s hand. Brendon clipped it to the rims of the light fixture with a few other photos.

To avoid an awkward silent moment Ryan walked into the Kitchen and pulled open the fridge. He clanked to beers together in his hand and pulled them out.

“Thirsty?” Ryan said holding up the bottles. He snapped off the tops and tossed them away, handing one bottle to Brendon. He took it and had a sip. They chatted a little before it was time Brendon had to leave for his shift.

“Can I give you my number?” Brendon asked stuffing his camera into his messenger bag and wrapping his guitar case around his back.

Ryan pulled out a paper from the counter and the nearest pen he could find and scribbled his number down on it before handing Brendon it. 


	2. Familiar

“It’s not like he asked me out or anything.” Ryan mumbled to himself, repeatedly locking and unlocking his phone screen.

“It’s been two days, would it be weird to call him?” He said talking to himself again, he had a habit of that when he was nervous.

But it’s true, Brendon was nothing but a guy friend so it’s not like it would be weird to ask whats up or if he wanted to do something. It’s not like Ryan had many friends in the area since he only lived here a few months. So he tried to convince himself that he needs to makes friends. This Brendon guy will introduce him to lots more people and he can finally do something other than watch reruns of boring TV shows and play his keyboard until one in the morning (or until his neighbors banged on the wall for him to shut up, whatever came first.)

I need friends, he thought to himself, unlocking the phone once more. He selected Brendons contact and clicked create message.

Hey what’s up, he typed out, “No thats weird isn’t it? Just whats up? I can’t say that.”

Hey it’s Ryan, he wrote, “There, no weird questions, maybe he didnt even save my number, this is simple.”

He clicked send and locked the phone and tossed it on his bed then walked into the kitchen to get a water. Halfway to the fridge his phone rang and he dashed so fast to his cell he felt like he had to wait a moment before actually picking up, otherwise he would seem too eager. What weird thoughts he had sometimes.

He clicked accept call, “Hello?” he said kind of timid.

“Hey Ryan! It’s Brendon!”

“Hey sup.” he said. Sup? Why would I say sup?

“So a few friends and I are going out to a open mic night and i was wondering if you wanted to-”

Ryan cut him off “Yes i would love to go!” He coughed “Yeah, thats sound fun” He said in a more calm tone. Stupid stupid stupid, I sound too eager.

“Someone’s eager to go out! Well if you want I can pick you up around six. You and I can stop can get something to eat since none of the guys wanted to get dinner before. We will meet them at the bar.”

Not a date, not a date, Ryan repeated to himself in his head.

“OK sounds great, see you in an hour or so, you remember where I live?”

“Of course I do, I saw you watching me perform today!”

Wow ok, that doesn’t sound creepy of me to do at all.

“Ok well just let me know when you are here.” Ryan said trying to ignore the fact that Brendon caught him stalking him

The call ended and Ryan set down his phone. Ok, calm down. Not a date.

Ryan looked at the time, it was only 4:56 PM, plenty of time to shower. So he hopped in the shower quickly washing his hair. He hated to stereotypical manly smelling soaps so he shamelessly used a lightly vanilla scented shampoo he got from the women's section.

Out of the shower he had a towel wrapped around his waist and rummaged through his dresser drawers looking for a shirt, he picks up a floral button up and slipped it on. He towel dried his hair a bit more and styled it by pretty much flipping it back and keeping it in place with some high end hair gel he was guilted into buying at a salon.

It was getting closer to six but Ryan was done getting ready. Part of him wishes he took longer to get ready and part of him wishes Brendon would show up early so that way he wouldn’t be stuck here nervous, going through everything that could happen or go wrong with tonight. He just had to keep telling himself this is not a date. Brendon most likely wasn’t even into guys at all. This is just a guy being friendly. Friends is all Brendon wants and Ryan knew that.

Ryan had been slightly open (to anyone whom it concerned) about being bisexual. Even though he has noticed lately he has been more into men, he was bisexual none the less. The few people he has told about his sexuality always have to grill him about his sexual history, saying things like “How do you really know if you like guys if you have never been with one?” So in almost a way to prove them wrong, and some self assurance because he was still figuring out his sexuality himself, he messed around with a few guys. Never anything too much, But from the little he did Ryan was pretty dang sure he was totally into guys.

But he was still in the figuring out stage of his sexuality. The only thing he knew was the poor media depictions of stereotypes. And Ryan will admit he has fallen into believing a few of them himself, that's why everything is so confusing. He’s used to everyone in high school teasing the gay kid in the locker room. He’s used to being told all these horrible things. But now that he is the one with a sexuality other than straight, it’s all so confusing. Part of Ryan hopes Brendon never learns he’s bisexual, what if Brendon believes all those stereotypes. His one shot at friendship could be ruined because some straight boy thought he was hitting on him.

Oh lord, sitting here was making Ryan overthink everything. He shook his head, it’s not like he knows i’m bisexual just by looking at me. Ryan tries to recall the last time he had a close male friend, or close friend in general. But he left all his family and anyone he knew back home in New York. The new city had been lonely without anyone to share the fun with. That’s why he can’t mess tonight up. That’s why he keeps telling himself this is not a date and that he needs to be careful to not let out any hints of his sexuality until he can totally scope out Brendon and maybe guess as to how he’d react.

Ryan’s phone rang, flashing a message on the screen that read “I’m outside in the car come down!” So he shoved his house keys and wallet in his pocket and ran out, locking the door behind him.

\--

After walking around aimlessly in the parking lot Ryan finally spotted Brendon and got in his car. It was black, not sure of the model, and frankly Ryan didn’t exactly care.

“Are you hungry?” Brendon eagerly asked looking over a Ryan while waiting at a red light.

“I know this amazing small pizzeria if you want!” Brendon said slightly grabbing Ryan’s arm with excitement. The touch caught Ryan off guard but he just smiled and agreed to eat pizza.

Brendon was an extremely excitable person and wasn’t too self conscious about it, in fact he owned it with confidence.

They had small chit chat until reaching the pizzeria. They both got personal sized pizza’s, ate and had fun.

“It’s almost seven, I told everyone I'd met them at 7:30” Brendon said getting up to grab a to-go box for Ryan and him. They got back in the car and drove to the meeting spot. Brendon controlled the music since his car was so old it only took cassettes. But Ryan enjoyed the tunes and complimented him on his taste in music.

The bar looked really sketchy and run down, was this the moment when he drugs me and steals my kidneys, because that’s what it looked like. Apparently Brendon could sense his uncomfortableness and reassured him that a lot of the good bars and stuff are quite ugly on the outside but great on the inside, you just have to get to know them. They walked in, Ryan a few steps in front of Brendon. The moment they walked in the scene changed. It was honestly a very well put together bar with a nice stage for live music. The outside was very misleading compared to the inside. It was dark and a bit foggy but the colored accent lights gave it a mystical look.

Across the bar at a round table was a group of 4 or 5 guys, one of them was shouting to get Brendon’s attention. Brendon walked Ryan over to the table and introduced them, everyone was honestly friendly. But the two that was more open to talking with Ryan was two guys named John and Spencer. They all seemed like a very comfortable group of friends, Spencer even had his arm around John and they laughed and shared a drink. It was easy, natural with the guys, surprisingly easy actually. Ryan was sort of lost in the moment when a waiter came up to their table, “Can I get you a drink?” he asked.

Ryan ordered a strawberry mojito and the waiter left to get his drink and a few beers that Brendon got for the table. When the drinks got back everyone, including Ryan, was laughing and having a great time. Ryan and Spencer ended up talking about music and found out their taste is quite similar. For a moment everything was too familiar, too casual and comfortable.

Everything was a bit fuzzy now, a tight feeling formed in his stomach quite fast. It felt like he had gotten up too fast, that feeling when everything gets dizzy for a moment and your vision goes black. But this feeling came in a rush, without ryan ever even getting up or making any sudden movements.

“Are you ok” Brendon asked him. He knew his face must be giving away his current state, “yeah, i just. I haven't had a drink in a while. It’s hitting me weird” Ryan said, partly trying to convince himself this is what happened. No matter how many times he kept telling himself mentally that it was the drink, that it was the alcohol, he couldn’t shake it. This feeling of familiarity.

The rest of the night was problem free, and surprisingly really fun. Not having met many people in the city yet, Ryan was forced to be somewhat a homebody, but getting out with a few new friends was great. For the first time it felt like his home, Seattle was his new home. Moving west from New York was always something he feared, but for once, this city now was home. He could call it home.

On the way back to Ryan’s place he let Brendon ramble on about himself. It was so cute how much he talked about himself, his music, how passionate he was about wanting to go into music, to be on stage with thousands of fans who know his words.

“This is it right?” Brendon said pulling into a small parking spot.

“Yeah right up there” Ryan replied.

The moment was uncomfortably long, maybe it was just because Ryan wasn’t quite sobered up yet. Brendon got close though.

Not close enough to know what he was doing, not close enough for a kiss. But a few more inches than just friends. It was a slow and awkward few inches. Ryan’s breathing stopped like he was trying to muster up some words but his chest was too tight to breath. He swallowed and spit out some words, “Thank you” He choked out.

“Thank you for coming, I really mean that” Brendon said back with a huge smile. As he said that Brendon took his hand and placed it on Ryan’s grasping it a bit, “Do you need me to walk you up? I would be glad to.”

“No, I’m not that drunk, but thank you.” Ryan said, closing a few more inches between them but subconsciously moving in.

Brenon’s full lips parted slighting as Ryan made clear eye contact with them. Just friends he told himself. Just frien- and the feeling was back. The slightly sick feeling, every inch they closed the stronger it was. Even when for a second Ryan thought Brendon was leaning in for the same reasons, it made the feeling worse.

“I should go.” Ryan said franticly opening the door.

“Call me sometime!” Brendon shouted as Ryan rushed into the door of the building.

I am never drinking again. 


	3. Voices

Waking up was hard. Not as bad of a hangover as he thought it would be. There have been plenty of other times he was almost demobilized due to a hangover, it wasn’t like that. But still very hard. He eyes didn’t want to open but her forced them wide.

“I passed out on my couch?” Ryan said lifting his stiff body off the super small futon. Not the most comfortable spot in the world to sleep so every joint of his felt hard. He rubbed his eyes once standing and pulled off his shirt from last night over his head. Ryan walked shirtless into his bathroom. Small but cute, he had always loved the stained glass window in the shower that brought in a bit of colorful light. Reaching the sink he turned on the water and let it run cold.

Ryan grabbed his toothbrush and dabbed some paste onto it and ran it under the water almost long enough to wash away the toothpaste. He brushed his teeth in an attempt to wash away the nasty taste in his mouth.

Once done and back in the living room he saw his phone blinking. He opened it up, a text from brendon.

“I had so much fun dude! You should come out with us more!” it said.

Without a reply Ryan locked his phone, tossed it on the table and flopped his shirtless body onto his king sized mattress that was always a bit to be for just him. The time being only around eight in the morning, he was still tired and passed out for another few hours.

\---

All day Ryan avoided the text from Brendon. The moment in the car was just a bit too weird to him. What happened. Was it just him being stupid drunk. Did he even remember the situation correctly? Brendon was close. His lips had been so hard to not look at. His jawline was sculpted, but rounded. His hair tousled and soft, naturally almost dark brown.

It was not until around nine that night did Ryan actually reply.

“Yeah man, I’d love to chill again.” is all he sent before draping his body back onto the bed to only fall asleep again.

\---

“Ryan!” A voice said while banging on his door.

Ryan got up and unlocked the door.

“Brendon? what time is-” Ryan said before getting cut off.

“Seven in the morning, good morning!” Brendon said holding up two plastic bags.

“What’s that.” Ryan asked, opening the door wide to let Brendon in.

“Breakfast, do you have a working kitchen in the stone age apartment.” He teased while poking fun of the fact that Ryan lived in one of the oldest buildings in the area.

Ryan pointed to the small kitchen with only one counter for cooking.

“That will do.” Brendon said dropping the bags on the ground.

“Before you ask, I was at the market and you live right here so I figured why not come over? Or is that too soon in our relationship to just show up?”

“Relationship?” Ryan huffed out.

“Yeah? I consider you my friend now.” Brendon said pulling out some eggs from one of the bags.

Oh yeah. Straight. I forgot.

“Oh yeah. It’s fine.” Ryan said, “I just normally don't get up for a few more hours so this is a bit early.”

Ryan leaned up against the wall watching Brendon work with some ingredients.

“What are you making me this morning” Ryan teased.

Brendon put down the egg in his hand, he turned to Ryan who was only a foot or two away and leaned in close to his ear. His breath tickled Ryan as he whispered, “It’s a secret.” with a grin and a chuckle.

The warmth of his body heat was left on Ryan’s skin for a few more moments. And in an instant it is replaced with a gut sinking feeling. Close to the feeling he had the night with Brendon, but this time without being drunk. His stomach now went from just a sick feeling to full on cramps.

“Are you ok?” Brendon asked, noticing Ryan hiding his stomach.

Ryan brushed off the feeling, “Yeah, your cooking is just giving me hunger pains, when will it be done?”

“Go sit, I’ll serve you!” He said motioning Ryan to his small table.

Ryan was given a plate of three pancakes and a cup of warm syrup.

“Pancakes?”

“Snickerdoodle pancakes!” Brendon said and Ryan’s eyes lit up.

“You said snicker doodle was your favorite cookie, so why not in pancake form?”

Ryan dumped the syrup on the cakes and without a word, and chowed them down.

In between bites Ryan managed a sentence, “When did I tell you that?”

“You were drunk.”  
“Oh yeah.” He said swallowing the breakfast.

“I didn’t tell you anything, weird, right?” Ryan asked sheepishly. He knew he had a habit of oversharing when he’s had a bit to drink.

“You said I was hot.” Brendon said with no hesitation.

The words made ryan choke on his food, “What. I said that.”

“Yeah you did”

“Oh my-”  
“It was cute. Thank you.” Brendon said, cutting up his food to take a bite.

“Cute? More like life ruining, damn, I am so awkward.” Ryan mumbled with food in his mouth.

“Would it make it less awkward if I told you I thought you were hot too.”

“Brendon what.” Ryan stumbled on his words.

Brendon laughed at the tourchered look on Ryan’s sweet face.

“I’m bisexual. I need to tell you that.” Brendon blatantly confessed.

“Don’t worry I wont try to suck your dick or something. I just, before I get attached and consider you a good friend. I need you to know, so if it makes you uncomfortable you can tell me.” Brendon said looking down at his plate.

“I’ve had guy friends get weird around me when they find this out. So I don't want to like get to-”  
“I get it Brendon. It’s fine. Changes nothing.”  
Brendon sighed, “Thank you.”

\---

After breakfast Brendon was picking up the plates while Ryan ran off to the bathroom to pee. Washing his hands his cramps came back. This gross gut feeling got stronger.

“Ryan” A voice said.

“What did you say?” Ryan shouted at Brendon.

“Nothing?” He answered back from the kitchen.

Ryan dried his hands and went to clean up his hair in the mirror. He took out a cheap comb and looked at his reflection. He was aged, maybe 7, 10 years. Ryan dropped the comb in the sink and losing all ability to breath properly. His face was different. Scruffy. Older. His reflection was not him now. Ryan started to panic when the cramps and image washed away. Back to current. He looked at himself, feeling his soft face, no scruff, no wrinkles. Completely different then his reflection just seconds ago.

“What the fuck.” he mouthed to himself in the mirror, holding his jaw and running his fingers along his own lips. Everything was weird, his mouth was dry and his eyes wanted to water. His read rushed, as if he was hanging upside down this whole time, disorientated and confused as to what he just saw.

Back in the kitchen Brendon must have noticed something up because he asked, “You ok? You look super pale.”

“Yeah, I just ate too fast I think.” Ryan said trying to hide his face a bit. Ryan quietly went over to help Brendon with the dishes, “Go lay down Ryan, I got this.” Brendon said blocking him from picking up the plates.

“Please just go lay down, you look absolutely terrible.”

“Thank you.” Ryan mumbled turning to his room to flop his heavy body on the bed. It’s barely nine in the morning and he already could go for a nap.

About ten minutes late Brendon walked into the room, “I can go if you are feeling sick.” He said.

Locking his fingers together and fiddling with them, “Or you know, I can stay, just to have to company, if you want.”

Ryan looked up, face back to it’s regular pigment, “Stay?”

Brendon sat on the edge of the bed, “I don't think it was the food, I feel fine.” he said.

“Don’t worry I wasn’t thinking it was. I just felt sick for a moment, I am actually completely fine now though”

Brendon looked up at ryan who was curled up on his bed. Ryan threw his body into motion and got into an upright position, “Thanks for breakfast.” he said.

“No problem, sorry about coming so early.”

Ryan laughed “I probably should learn to wake up at a normal human time anyways, so thanks for that too.” Ryan teasingly rammed his shoulder into Brendon and the two laughed on the bed.

“Ok well I have got to get to work, I have a job other than standing out on the sidewalk playing music ya know.” Brendon teased.

As Brendon was about to leave through the front door, Ryan caught his arm.

“I don’t care that you are bi becuase, well. I am too.” Ryan confessed. “Well gay, or bi. I don’t know. I just like dudes, ya know.” He continued awkwardly.

Brendon smiled wide, “Good.” He replied before walking out the door.

The smile that was plastered on Ryan’s face lasted the rest of the day, all the way up until around dinner time. Ryan wasn’t particularly hungry, he never really ate much anyways, he had always lacked an apitte.

He was sitting on his couch, messing around with a few tracks on his laptop. Music always kept him happy, it always allowed him to be creative. Despite being alone in his small apartment he heard something. He slammed his laptop shut out of shock, the noise started him and he ran to grab the small can of pepper spray in his kitchen drawer.

“Don’t fall in love” It said again, this time clear enough for Ryan to make out the words. _Dont fall in love?_

“Hello” He called out back to the voice.

“Ryan” It said back.

Ryan turned around to face the couch he was just sitting on moments ago to be met with someone sitting on it. Ryan’s heart sank, the lights were dim and he couldn’t see exactly who is was.

“I have a weapon!” He shouted at whoever was sitting on his couch.

The figure got up and headed over to the wall, it flipped on the light and turned around.

Ryan dropped his pathetic small can of pepper spray. The face in front of him was the same he saw in the mirror. It was his aged reflection.

“What are you?” Ryan choked out

“Well you know, I have no idea how to tell you this. But I’m you.”

The words stung, “This is a joke right. Oh my god this is a joke. Youre kidding me?”

“Yeah that’s how I would react too.” The intruder walked a bit closer. “Ryan, I dont have time to explain. Frankly I don’t care if you don’t believe me. I’m desperate.”  
Ryan squinted, “Desperate? For what? I will call the cops, so you better explain.”

“Desperate for a do over, to change things. Ryan, do not fall in love with brendon.”

Don’t fall in love with Brendon? Either this person is serious about being Ryan, but from the future, or absolutely insane and stalking Ryan.

“Why would I fall in love with him? Why would it be so bad if I did?” Current Ryan questioned.

“Take me hand.” he said, grabbing current Ryan’s hand without letting his hesitate.

Immediately they were sucked into a black hole. The two felt weightless, traveling through time. Vision was black, yet flashing colors. Everything was fast. Then the two landed.

Future Ryan was standing upright while current Ryan fell to the ground from his legs falling asleep almost.

“I have to show you something.” Future Ryan said, “Welcome to 2015.”

 


	4. Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get part 4 up, but here we go!

Current Ryan lied curled up on the ground hacking up from the sudden change of scenery.

“You get used to it” Ross said to his younger self.

“What do you mean you-” He cut himself off looking around, “Where am I?”

The sudden sound of a familiar voice rang so loud Ryan could hardly hear himself speak. Smoke fell in from one side of the room when Ryan realized his location, he was on the side of a stage, a rather large one. Making it to his feet, his vision cleared up. Music blasted loud, sounds hard to make out clearly still.

A well trained voice was all Ryan could focus on,

 

_“Back to the street where we began_

_feeling as good as lovers can, you know”_

 

It was so comforting, the voice. As Ryan gained full ability to clearly listen and see, it was beautiful. Familiar. Almost like a show he’s seen before.

 

_“It looks like the end of history as we know_

_It’s just the end of the world”_

 

“Brendon?” Ryan spit out. There he was on stage. They had been looking from the side. It was dark so he couldn't see any crew members besides a few shadow movements. No one really noticed the two outcasts.

Not only was it Brendon, but he knew this song. Well some of it. Bits of the lyrics came to his mind along with the image of Brendon playing on the street. This was one of his original songs. It sounded magical live, with a full band.

Ryan walked over to the younger Ross, “He made it, big too.” Future Ryan told him.

“He’s good isnt he? You know some of these lyrics dont you. The rest you’ll come to know.”

 

_“Into a place where thoughts can bloom_

_Into a room where it's nine in the afternoon”_

 

Brendon playfully danced around the stage to his own song.

 

_“And your eyes are the size of the moon_

_You could 'cause you can so you do”_

 

“Ryan, I mean me, or-” Future Ryan cut him off before he could finish “Just call me Ross, make this a lot less confusing.” Future Ryan cleared up.

“Ok Ross, still weird but anyways.” Ryan brushed off his pants from the dusty ground as he got up “What, it’s crazy i am even asking this, what year is this?”

“Welcome to 2015” Ross said lending Ryan a hand to help him gain his balance.

“You have got to be kidding me?”

Ross pulled out his phone to show Ryan the date, “February 12, 2015”

“Whoa what kind of phone is-”

“Stop no, we are not going to do this thing where you are amazed by all this crap.” Ross snapped at him. “This date has significance im trying to help you out here and we can’t get anywhere if i have to stop and explain all this new future stuff. Just go along ok?”

 

“Wow, I get rude as heck in the future” Ryan snapped back.

 

Ross pulled Ryan closer into the dark so no one could see them, just then Brendon ran off stage high fiving a crew member on the side. He pulled off his shirt over his head, that had been soaked in sweat. He let out a huge cackle and hugged someone with a guitar that came off stage a few steps behind Brendon.

Brendon then ran over to a door where a woman stood, he scooped her up into his arms and she rolled her head back laughing.

“Who is-” Ryan was about to ask when he saw him kiss the woman.

“You are going to fall in love with him, and you are going to lose him, to her.” Ross said.

“You’ll get scared. Everything will get to much and you will leave. and that women will save him from heartbreak. And the worst part is, he’s better off with her then he will ever be with you”

Ryan’s heart felt heavy. Who thinks about love this early in getting to know someone? Then again not many people have their future self, desperate for a redo, come back and bag on them for being a shitty boyfriend.

“What do you mean I will fall in love with him?”

“You two are not even a couple yet and you already know how you feel, how I felt. Everything you are going through, I went through.”

Head spinning, stomach dropping, “I cant do this. Take me home.” Ryan demanded.

A moment passed without a response, “Take me home now!” He shouted at Ross.

 

\---

 

Ryan was back in bed, back in his time, alone. His head pounding from a massive headache. Trying to rationalize his day.

It was all a dream, he forced himself to believe. A stupid dream that left him sick to his stomach.

They were not even in a relationship. Honestly everything was too weird to believe right now.

Shaking himself off and getting out of bed he realized how insane he was, time travel? What did he eat to make him have such weird dreams. Dreams. It was a dream, a damn vivid dream. But a dream.

 

\---

 

“cum over 4 dinner?” Ryan texted his friend Brendon.

His phone beeped before he even put it down, “Haha XD Cum?” it said.

“Oh shut up. come over!!!” He replied.

“OMW ;)!” His phone flashed as he put it on the counter.

Ryan pulled the knife off the wall hanger and finished chopping veggies.

He dropped them into a pan along with quinoa, teriyaki sauce and chopped tofu. He wiggled his hips to the music he had on a soft volume, never was one for ear bleeding sound. Mainly because his neighbor would yell at him if he even just talked a bit too loud.

About 15 minutes into making dinner there was a single knock on the door then it opened.

“Oh so you are ok with letting yourself in whenever now?” Ryan teased him.

“Hey i knocked.” He teased back. Brendon dropped a brown paper bag with flowers sticking out of it. He pulled out a bottle of wine, “You have glasses?” He said showing the label to Ryan.

Ryan with one hand stirring the stir fry, and one hand opening the cabinet, pulls out two glasses. He then read the label, “Holy shit? Thats like a $600 bottle of wine? We can’t drink that!”

“We can and we will. It was a gift from a friend, he has like a huge cellar of wine.”

“No like that is too pricey. Dont waste it on my shitty dinner” Ryan argued.

Brendon laughed, “Well the dinner smells amazing, not shitty. And it would be a waste to share it with anyone but you.”

With a big sign Ryan gave in, “Fine. Bottle opening in that basket.” He said pointing to a orange basket of mainly junk by his sink.

Once dinner was done Ryan dished out two bowls into some decorative glassware he got at the market. It was blue with a beautiful indian pattern around the edges. He sat them down at the table and Brendon brought over the wine.

Ryan’s table was a small round wood table, sanded down and stained a grey tinted blue. His mis-matched chairs somehow matched all at the same time. It was quirky to say the least.

“wait!” Brendon said, setting the wine down and running over to the bag he brought. He pulled out the small bundle of flowers he had bought. Blue peonies in a clear vase.

Ryan’s face was stuck with a permanent smile as he placed them on the edge of the table.

“I can’t see you if they are in the middle.” Brendon joked.

 

Dinner was good, and lasted too long. They spent the whole time talking about music and dreams they had and kept telling embarrassing stories, always trying to top the others story. Though Ryan won with the story about how he ran into that post last week.

For a moment everything was so effortless. But as Brendon’s lips were pushed up to the glass and he took a sip of wine, Ryan’s smile was cut off. He remembered that whole incident. Or dream he had. Brendon kept laughing and telling a story, but Ryan couldn’t hear a word he said because one thought kept racing through his head.

 

_You are going to fall in love with him, and you are going to lose him._

 

And for a moment as Brendon batted his long lashes and smiled back at him, Ryan believed he could fall in love with him. But that second part scared him. Was it worth letting himself fall for him if he knows he will just screw it up and send Brendon into the arms of that pretty woman. Or was it possible he could somehow stop that from happening. He never did find out how he lost Brendon.

“Ryan?”

He snapped back into the conversation, “Sorry what?” He said.

“did you hear what i asked?”

“I think the wine just hit me so could you say that again?” Ryan confessed.

“I asked if you wanted to watch a movie after i help you clean up.”

“sounds good to me.”

 

After dinner was over Ryan did dished as Brendon cleared the table and wiped things down. Once spotless Brendon asked what he had on DVD. Then it hit Ryan, the only TV he had was in front of his bed.

“You pick, youre my guest.” Ryan said shaking the thought off.

“wait do you even have a TV?” Brendon questioned while looking through his movie collection.

“I do, in my room. we can move it out here if you-”

Brendon cut him off, “Too lazy to move it, we’ll just watch in you room”

Ryan agreed and wiped his hand dry on a towel. He then showed him into his room. Mainly it was a mattress on the floor and a TV on a crate with book inside. He had tapestries hanging from the wall and a wooden end table. It might have looked simple, but it was so well done it was rustic chic. His bed was all white with an extremely fluffy blanket. He had plants everywear. Over flowing on one corner of the room. On the tv, the tv stand, window, there was lush green plants in every nook he could fit them.

Brendon bent down and popped the DVD in and then flopped his body onto one side of the bed and made himself way too comfortable. He crossed his arms behind his head and rested, but with his armed raised a sliver of stomach skin showed as his shirt raised.

Ryan awkwardly sat on the other side of the bed, legs crossed and sitting upright. He thought it would be too weird to lay next to him. Even if it was his own bed.

“That doesnt look like it would be comfortable for 2 hours to sit like that. Lay down why dont you?” Brendon said fluffing the pillow next to him up.

Ryan gave in and scooted back, still sitting up, but now against the wall, next to brendon.

 

About half way into the movie Ryan looked down at Brendon. Knocked out. Brendon was dead asleep. Ryan went to cover him up, he reached around him and as he was about to pull the blanket onto him, Brendon flopped his arm over ryan, causing him off balance and made him fall into a resting position next to him.

With Brendons arm locked around him, Ryan gave in for a minute. Ryan turned sideways and just looked at him. As a smile crept onto his face Brendon’s arm let go of his body and went to go rub his eye. He woke up and was met eye to eye with Ryan. Ryan was shocked and about to make up some excuse as to why he was three inches from his face, but brendon just snuggled up to him and re-wrapped his arm around him. Ryan pulled him in. He couldnt even remember when he fell asleep, but he slept so good that night.


	5. Alone

“ _Oh god ryan”_ Brendon moaned but was quickly muffled by Ryan sticking two of his fingers in his mouth. He pulled his head back with his fingers like a fish hook and kissed the back of his neck, causing Brendon to exhale hard. With his other hand ryan wrapped it around to grab on Brendon’s chest and pull him closer from behind.

  
  


Just as things were getting heavy Ryan heard a soft “Good Morning”

He opened his eyes and woke up to Brendon‘s head resting on his chest.

“You sounded like you were having a bad dream” Brendon said looking up at Ryan.

Actually it was quite the opposite of a bad dream, but Ryan just hugged him closer to his chest and said, “Yeah, kind of.”

“what time is it?” Ryan questioned grabbing his phone off the floor.

The phone displayed 7:28 AM, “Why is it so early?” He complained.

Laying there in the cool room with his huge uncovered windows letting it bright light, everything felt calm and perfect. The window was just slightly cracked and it let in a crisp breeze of air. His fluffy bone white comforter laid effortlessly across the two of them.

“What time do you have work?” Ryan asked.

“I dont.” Brendon said sitting up and combing his hands through his hair in an attempt to get it to lay flat. Mainly all that did was make his hair stick up and Ryan chuckled, sat up, and combed his hair down, “Fixed it” He said.

As ryan’s hand fall from fixing his hair, Brendon grabbed it and held it for a second. Ryan was a bit confused as he held his hand. Brendon then threw it behind his neck and grabbed his other arm, pulling him in and meeting him at the lips with a first kiss.

Ryan tensed up for a moment then let go, relaxing into the kiss, parting his lips slightly and pulling him in as close as he could physically get. As they parted, Brendon tucked his head into Ryan’s shoulder and curve of his neck.

The two sat there for a moment in the middle of the bed, letting the warm sun glaze over them. Ryan looked off out the window that overlooked the market. The world was just waking up yet everything felt silent.

“Let’s go to pike place today.” Ryan said pulling away, grabbing brendon by the waist.

“This early?”

“This is the perfect time! The freshest produce. We can get a snack, lets go.”  
Brendon agreed, under one circumstance, “can we do that again?”

“What again.”

Brendon made eye contact with Ryan’s lips, “Kiss again”

And without an answer Ryan pulled Brendon in by his shirt and kissed him again. Half way through brendon smiled through the kiss and ryan giggled. As brendon looked up at him, Ryan caressed his cheek, “Youre so cute” He mumbled, causing brendon to tilt his head away from being shy.

“Lets go” Brendon said getting up and lending a hand down to Ryan.

\---  
  


The market wasn't too busy since it was early in the morning. The two boys didnt talk much at first. Ryan was focused on the great deals someone was having on fancy grains and Brendon was focused on the cool artwork someone had set out.

Ryan paid for his products and walked up behind Brendon, “You like art?”

“Love” He said twirling around to meet his gaze.

“Do you paint”

“Oh god no, just admire.” Brendon joked as he turned back to a medium sized painting. It was an oil painting of the seattle skyline done and rusty brown colors, making it look almost industrial and steam punk.

“Thats a cool piece” Ryan said taking it from him and turning it over. He handed it to the man behind the counter and said, “This one please.” and then turned back and smiled at Brendon who had a shocked look on his face.

“Thank you” Ryan said grabbing it, now that is was placed neatly in a paper bag. He paid for it and smiled at Brendon, “where to next?” Ryan asked.  
  


The rest of the time the spent looking at nick-nakcs and hand made goodies. Once back at the apartment Ryan set down his bags and went over to get a glass of water. From inside the kitchen he said “The painting is for you.” He said taking a sip of ice water.

“Oh god please keep it.” Brendon said trying to sound humble. “It would look so nice on this back wall.” He said holding it up to the wall above the couch. “You have no wall décor, you need it.”

“If you say so.” Ryan agreed, stepping forward. “But it's still yours, so if I hang it up here, you better come over often to admire it.” Brendon turned around with the painting in hand and smiled, “Do you have any wall hangers?” He asked.

After hanging up the painting Brendon looked at the time, “I better get home, it's almost noon. I need to feed my dog and stuff.” He said grabbing his bag from dinner last night.

After Brendon left, ryan made himself lunch and sat at his table. Normally when he eats he just brings it in his room and makes a mess with crumbs all over his bed, but he sat out a nice lunch on the table this time. He looked out the window as he took a bite from his sandwhich.

He found himself smiling to himself, thinking about brendon's adorable laugh a little too much than he should. Feeling stupid for not kissing him goodbye and touched his finger to his lips to try and remember this mornings first kiss.

Maybe the other night was a date actually. Maybe this was working out. Ryan cleaned up his mess and laid on his bed. The room was bright and he opened the window to bring in more air. He smiled to himself hugging the pillow brendon slept with, it still smelt like his body spray.

And as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his smile washed off his face and his heart felt like it dropped into his stomach. Remembering what he was told,

_He's better off with her, than he will ever be with you._

“can I not make him happy” He thought to himself. “How am I not good enough for him?”

But the biggest question he kept asking himself, “How do I lose him?”

Is it best to fight it out for a chance with him, or is it best to stop from getting too invested and just end it now.

“Do I mess it up by leaving or do I leave because I messed it up?”

How can you let yourself get lost in love with someone you know you cant have. But then again how can you not fall for his smile, the way he laughs and his amazing voice that is just too soothing. How can you let go when you have this hanging over you the whole relationship. If it's just a matter of time before he loses Brendon, is all this worth it.

Just as Ryan was getting upset and his eyes about to water, his phone beeped, displaying a message from Brendon.

“I like you btw :)) Have a good day.” It said.

And normally that would have been wonderful news. But it just made things worse. Ryan ran his fingers through his hair and gripped hard. He curled his knees up to his chest. Then tossed the phone on the ground in a spit of anger.

To cool himself down from the summer heat and his own anger he took a cool shower that ended up just being him sitting in his small shower, letting the water run down over his bare skin.

His phone alarm went off signaling he had to head to work in an hour. So he dried his hair and tossed on a simple outfit and headed to the local animal hospital. It was one of the only open jobs he could get right now and it suited his personality. Ryan always did like animals more than people. Animals couldn’t say stupid stuff and annoy him.

  
\---

Ryan spent the rest of the week alone. Brendon sent a few texts and called once, but after the 5th day it seemed like he had given up. Ryan always just tossed his phone aside anytime it beeped with brendons name on it. He was too frustrated and confused to decide what to do.

But it was late at night and his phone beeped one more time, for the first time in days. Not many of his old friends call or text, and his dad never tries to keep in touch, so he knew who it was from. He opened the message.

“Do you not like me?” It said.

Ryan fiddled with the buttons for a moment. Playing with the broken battery cover he taped back on.

“I do” He typed out. But it took him another 10 minutes to even send it.

“Is this how I mess it up?” He thought to himself? “Do I mess it up by not trying?”

His phone beeped again, “can I come over?” It said.

He gave permission and waited on his couch for brendon to show up. This time he knocked instead of joyfully just walking in like last time. Ryan opened the door only to be met with Brendon's friend from the bar.

“Hi Ryan.” He said. “Spencer, you remember?”

“Yeah sorry I was just expecting-” Spencer cut him off, “I know, brendon.”

“Where is he?” Ryan questioned, peeking around spencer trying to see if he was around the corner.

“He made e drive him here. And I made him wait in the car. Can I come in?”

And ryan widened the door allowing spencer to walk in. Once it was shut behind them spencer spoke,

“is this a fucking game to you?” He said.

“Are you just testing the waters with my friend to see if you like guys? What are you doing with him. You make him think you like him then you drop him like no big deal?”

The way spencer spoke shocked Ryan, he was so blunt, and so mistaken, “No its not that, trust me.” He assured.

“I just dont know if I can.”

“can what?” Spencer demanded.

“Be with Brendon.”

“Why?”

“I'll just fuck it up.” He blurted out.

Spencer took a moment then said, “The only way youre going to fuck it up is by no trying.”

A minute passed and spencer walked out. Slamming the door behind him.

 


	6. Flight

The door creaked open, “Ryan?” A faint voice said. Brendon peeked his head in to see ryan sitting at his dinning table, faced away.

“Im sorry about spencer. He ran inside and locked the elevator on your floor. By the time I ran up the stairs and was walking down.” Brendon said stepping in the rest of the way.

Ryan didnt get out the chair, he just pushed his hair back and tilted his head down.

“Im sorry I made you think I didnt like you.” Ryan said from the chair.

“Whats going on with you?” Brendon said, reaching the table. He sat down adjacent from Ryan. Brendon fiddled with his fingers until ryan lifted his head up.

“I was just dumb. Just so dumb to make you think I didnt like you. Just dumb.” Ryan said.

His eyes looked glossed over, “You are so sweet and nice, and amazing at music and talented. Do you know how easy it would be to fall for you?” He continued.

“What about you?” Brendon said sternly. “You are kind and adorable. You care so much and you are so giving. You are pretty dang hard to not fall for yourself you idiot.”

Ryan laughed at his insult, “I am an idiot.” He said poking fun at himself and his actions in the last week, “I just havent met someone so easy to lose myself in like you. I got scared.”

“Well stop being a wimp and kiss me.” Brendon said leaning in, placing a finger under ryan's chin, pulling him in, meeting at the lips for a kiss. Brendon used his other hand to smudge a tear falling down Ryan's soft face.

 

\---

 

The next day Ryan woke up just as the sun was peeking through the window. A bright glare of light of glossing over his eyes. He held his hand out to block the light. Once he got his sight back, Ryan saw a softly sleeping small Brendon curled up away from him. In a fetal position holding tight onto a spare blanket that was intwined in his legs.

Before he knew it his face was stuck in a smile from ear to ear. Ryan ran a hand over brendon's back, it was bare and soft. Brendon breathed deep and shifted from the touch. Ryan bent down and rested his chin in the curve of brendon's neck.

“Good morning Beebs.”   
Brendon laughed, “Beebs?”

“It's cute, you're cute. Thus, Beebs.”

Brendon sat up, “Fine, ill put up with it for you.” He said, cutting off his own sentence by kissing Ryan.

 

\---

 

The weeks to come were spent all the same. Early morning kisses, late night dinners spent together. The only time apart was when they had to go to work. Brendon had to leave for a week to see his mother. But a week felt like a year when they had been spending every day together.

Brendon even got in the habit of leaving clothes at Ryan's, so much so Ryan got tired of the mess and cleared out a drawer for him and filled it with Brendon's scattered clothes. He had his own designated coffee cup Ryan bought him at a thrift shop, the mug hung right next to Ryan's morning cup. It became a habit to share a cup of coffee and just sit at the table.

Their lives were molding together so flawlessly, Ryan let him into his heart and home with open arms. They fiddled with music and wrote short songs together in the evenings and spent the night curled up to each other in bed, falling asleep to whatever program was playing on cable that night.

But the week Brendon left felt like forever. Ryan spent his mornings alone. Waking up cold from leaving the window open and not having a warm body to curl up next to. His days at work felt like they went by without anything really happening. His evenings he spent eating dinner for one and watching TV until he passed out. Brendon didnt text or call much since he was busy with family. Maybe a goodnight text every other day.

By the sixth day is started to feel like his old life again. And then Ryan realized how much he was lacking in his life until brendon showed up. How long and empty his days had been. Just getting by with no real excitement. Just existing. His apartment felt so warm and full of life when Brendon was here playing music or helping with dinner or napping. But without him it was empty and cold.

Ryan was just finishing up dinner when his phone rang with brendon's name, “Hey!” He said picking up the phone.

“Hey Ryan!” Brendon said back. His voice was soothing and made Ryan's who day better.

“Are you coming home tomorrow?” Ryan eagerly asked.

“Actually thats why im calling.” he went quite before continuing, “Something happened.”  
“Are you ok? Is your family ok what's go-”

“Nothing bad Ryan, Good. Very good.”

Something good was almost worse than something bad. Was it something good enough to make him not want to come back?

“I met with a friend of a friend. He's a producer. He loves me. Wants to record with me.”

“this is. It's amazing Brendon.” Ryan said chocking back how he really felt, “So are you spending a few more weeks there?”

“No, we are flying to LA, I might have to stay for a while.”

Ryan's heart sank, _This is how I lose him,_ he thought to himself. He lost him to his music, he's meat that woman in LA and leave me. It was a mix of complete devastation and anger. _I did everything right!_

“How long.”

Brendon hesitated, “4 months, maybe more. He wants to write an album with me.”

“I dont know what to say, I cant tell you no.”  
“ I dont want you to say anything except that you'll join me in LA.”

“Join you!?”

“He asked if I had a band. And you and I sound so good together when we are just messing around with music at home, why not? Why not come with me?”

“Brendon this is your dream. Not mine.”

“Make it out dream. Ive already asked my friends spencer and jon. They are down for it. They are driving down already.”

“So a whole band?”

“A whole band Ryan, and you need to be a part of it. Your lyrics are amazing.”

_Go with him?_ Then ryan remembered seeing Brendon on stage in the future. Dancing to his own songs in front of 1000's of fans. _Is this how I lost him the first time, I didnt go?_ Is this why future ryan came back, _If I go I change the future and dont lose him, Ill be a part of the future Brendon had on stage._ Brendon is talented enough to make it big no matter what, it's just a matter of if Ryan will make it with him or not go and drive him into the arms of some beautiful LA devotee.

“Im going”

“You'll come! Im so excited! I can get you a place ticket, youll leave in the morning if thats ok?”

“That soon? Ok, im in.”

Brendon explained a few more details before they both said goodbye and hung up.

LA, tomorrow. Ryan hadn't ever been to california so this would all be new to him. And he's be sharing his new life with Brendon.

Ryan tossed a few shirts and pairs of pants into an old suitcase he stole from his grandpa, it looked like it belonged in the 40's. He tossed in a few personal care items and way too many scarves. He packed his carry on backpack with a few books for entertainment and a notebook and pen and a few snacks and other random things. Honestly he had no clue what he'd need. So he started packing a bunch of random items.

He couldn't sleep that night, Ryan laid awake too nervous for the morning. At around 3 AM ryan picked up a pen and cheep spiral notebook and started jotting down random lyrics. He passed out around 5 AM and before he knew it his alarm was going off at 7 am.

The plane ride was quick since he fell asleep the moment he sat down, a host had to wake him up. He landed around one in the afternoon and called Brendon for a ride.

“On my way!” Brendon said in a text. So ryan sat on his luggage playing with the binding on his spiral notebook. By the time Brendon showed up he nearly pulled out the whole metal binding. But when Brendon showed up Ryan dropped everything the moment he saw him step out of the passenger seat of a black car.

Ryan ran full force to him and picked him up in he arms. Ryan spun Brendon around and kissed him until he couldnt breath.

“I missed you!” They both said to each other.

Just then the driver in the car shouted, “Hurry up and get in we have to go.”

Brendon kissed ryan once more and said, “Lets go!”

Once the luggage was packed in the car they both slid in.

“Ryan this is Pete. He's helping me with the band.”

They drove up to a small home outside LA, “Welcome to your home away from home!” Brendon said getting out of the car.

“I rented this for the band, it's furnished already. But there are only two rooms so you and I have to share.”

Ryan stepped out of the car, “Thats not a problem with me” Ryan said with a laugh.

“Spencer and Jon are driving down with their stuff so they could be a few more days, so it's just us for now.”

Once inside, the house smelt clean and untouched. It looked like a low end stage home. It didnt looked lived in at all, a bit cold. Brendon showed Ryan to the room they had together and they packed away their stuff in the drawers and closet.

Ryan was hanging up his last shirt when Brendon came behind him and hugged him, “Im so glad youre here.” He wispered.

“I missed you way to much.” Brendon said kissing Ryan's neck. Ryan rolled his head to the side, “Oh I missed you too.” He said turning around and kissing his boyfriend.

They made it to the bed, Ryan tackling him to be on top. Brendon pulled away from the makeout session for a moment.

He looked up at Ryan, “I want you” He said.

“Like all the way?” Ryan questioned.

“Im ready now.” Brendon said kissing him again.

“Are you sure?”

“Ryan, I want you now.”

 

 


	7. Noise

It was late when the doorbell rang. A few days had passed since Ryan arrived and most of the day was spent in bed naked. Ever since their first night together they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

The bell rang again and brendon tossed the blanket on the ground and slipped on some pants without even bothering with boxers. The top of his butt squished out over his pants and Ryan giggle.

Brendon looked back at him with a stern look and Ryan just replied with, “You’re so cute.”

A few moments later Ryan could hear excited shouting coming from the living room and two other voices.

“You made it!” Brendon said from a distance.

Ryan knew exactly who is was and rushed to slip into full clothes, pulling whatever shit he could grab first on. He made his way out to the living room where Spencer and jon sat down huge boxes spilling equipment.

“You two know Ryan, I think i mentioned he would be here.” Brendon said gesturing to Ryan.

“Yeah in between yo screaming about how excited you are and forcing us to drive down here, you mentioned something about it” Spencer said with a smile and walking out of the house to get more stuff.

“Good to see you again Ryan.” Jon said as he jokingly curtsied and then skipped out to help spencer.

“Im so excited!” Brendon said following after the two. Ryan was about to go help when the three boys came back with their stuff and slammed the door behind them, “We got it all”

“Want a tour?” Brendon said grabbing onto Jon’s arm. He pulled them into the kitchen, “Small but it’s fine. Not much counter space i guess.”

Then into the hallway, “Thats the bathroom, we only have one.” he said pushing a door open and not even stopping to let them see inside. “thats mine and ryan’s room.” He mentioned, pushing the door open again.

Jon tugged back, “One bed?”

Brendon paused and turned around and looked at spencer with wide eyes then turned to jon, “I forgot to tell you. Ryan is my boyfriend.”

That was the first time Brendon said boyfriend. It was official now, as if the whole flying to a different state to live with him didnt already make it official. Ryan bit down on his lip to hide his grin.

“Did you know?” Jon said to spencer.

“yeah i found out.”

“Ok well Im glad you told me, just wish i knew sooner! Im alway the last to know things.”

Brendon kept walking and pushed open the last door, “Ok here is your room, I gave you two the bigger room and you and fight out who gets what bed.”

Jon and spencer pushed past Ryan and brendon to get into their new room and dropped their bag on the floor. Spencer then fling himself to the bed closest to the window, “Mine” He said curling up into the blanket that was already laid out.

  
  


\---

  
The next morning Brendon and Ryan woke up around the same time. Brendon Curled into ryan's bare chest and kissed it. Ryan ran his long fingers through brendon's hair as brendon looked up into ryan's eyes, “Kiss me”

“But I have yet to brush my teeth”

“I dont care”

So ryan pulled Brendon up and kissed him good morning. “they wont be up for a few more hours, they were so tired.” Brendon said through the kiss. “You know what that means.”

Ryan immediately and without being careful of being too rough, flipped Brendon over and kissed the back of his neck, “Yes I do know what that means.” He said letting his hot breath graze over brendon's ears.

Brendon laughed and then grunted when ryan pulled his boxers off. He trailed down Brendon's back with light kisses and every one sent shivers down his spine. Ryan grabbed a whole hand full of brendon's ass with one hand and pulled his own boxers down with the other.

Without entering him, ryan slid his penis in between brendon's cheeks forcing brendon to beg.

“Dont tease me like that.” He mumbled in between sharp breaths.

He was slow entering at first and Brendon's body begged for more, something rougher. “Harder” He grunted with every thrust. So Ryan took his directions and thrusted even deeper. Brendon couldnt help himself and was moaning so loud so ryan cupped his mouth, “Shut up! Youre going to wake them up!” He said with a laugh.

Once ryan finished and flipped Brendon around and went down on him. When brendon was about tom come his body arched and he became so loud. So Ryan kept bobbing his head up and down on brendon's groin but reached up and covered his mouth so he couldnt scream.

Brendon came in Ryan's mouth and he swallowed then went up to kiss his boyfriend who was still trembling. “you are so damn loud!”

“Im sorry! You just. You make me absolutely melt.”

“Well I love to please” Ryan said and kissed brendon again. His lips tasted salty from a mix of sweat and cum but neither of them minded at all. They curled up as close to each other as the could for a few more moments so brendon could regain control of his legs.

Brendon was the first to get up, as he stood up Ryan spanked him, “Too soon” Brendon grunted grabbing his own ass to protect it. “youre quite big so im quite sore” He mumbled.

Ryan watched as brendon slipped on some jeans, Ryan didnt care to mention they were his, he though Brendon looked cute in his jeans so he let it go.

“I think I love you.” Ryan said without thinking.

Brendon paused and dropped he shirt he held.

“I know I love you.” Brendon said turning around. He picked the shirt back up and put it over his head.

“Join me for breakfast?” He questioned as he walked out of the door.

Ryan got up, tossed on some sweat pants and skipped the shirt and headed out the bedroom door. Jon stepped out of the other room, “You done?” He asked.

Ryan spun around, “What?”

“Just so you know, these walls are like paper thin and your boyfriend has a big mouth.”

Ryan's face flashed red and he just turned and kept walking, ignoring Jon giggling behind him.

  
  


–

  
  


After breakfast was the first official meeting of the band, “We need a name.” Jon said

Spencer kept tossing out a few ideas with Jon when Brendon interrupted, “names not important, what are we doing. Who's singing? I mean Spencer is duh on the drums but” Brendon turned to Ryan, “You are amazing at lyrics, We need to start with the actual music.”

Ryan chocked up for a moment, “I mean I have a few ideas on lyrics.”

Jon picked up the bass he had resting against the table, “Sing something.” he said to ryan.

Spencer sat behind his drum set and brendon snatched up ryan's acoustic guitar, everyone set and ready.

Ryan dug into his bag that was lazily tossed on the floor and pulled out a ratted old book with water stains and ink running all over the pages, turned to one of the dry pages and took a deep breath, “Sugar cain in the easy morning” he sang in almost his regular voice, it was shaky at first.

Brendon saw he was nervous and strummed a simple tune and walked to ryan to see the lyrics and started singing them to his own melody.

“weathervanes my one and lonely.” Brenond sang at full volume.

Spencer came in with a soft beat on his drums.

“Hey moon please forget to fall down.” Brendon continued but then Ryan joined in, “Hey moon don't you go down.” They sang together.

Jon joined in with a few chords and Ryan handed the book off to Brendon in exchange for the guitar, “These now” He said pointing to a few lines.

“I missed your skin when you were east. You clicked your heels and wished for me.” Brendon sang.

The next few hours came so easy to the group, someone would say something and someone else would start a tune, Ryan would start off the lyric writing and Brendon would come in with a few things.

It weirdly came natural to them, laughing in between songs. Everyone agreed that Brendon should be the main singer to utilize his huge vocal range.

And after about an hour of arguing over what to name the band they all agreed with Panic At the Disco. Brendon was pushing to add in a “!” but it was over ruled.

Before anyone noticed it was late at night, with the blinds down no one was paying attention to the sun going down.

 


End file.
